Musings on writing, lessons learned by an aspiring professional, book reviews, movie reviews, an occasional t.v. show review, and unashamed opinion.

Saturday, May 12, 2012


I usually avoid films that get terrible reviews... at least I avoid them in the theater.  I'm a sucker for sci fi films, however, and so took the time to catch Lockout at the dollar movies.  Turned out to be a dumb decision, despite the cheap ticket.

Lockout is about a maximum security prison orbiting Earth.  How they justify the cost of putting criminals in space jail is unexplained.  Would have been nice to give us some reason for doing it.  The President's daughter pays a visit to the prison to make sure that the inmates are, in true liberal idiocy, being treated humanely.  Turns out the dudes locked up are pretty bad, and one makes an escape during inspection, and takes hostage the girl and prison staff.  Nice one, chick.  Should have just let the baddies rot in space.

Our hero, played by the under appreciated Guy Pearce (although if he were to be judged by this performance he deserves to be forgotten), is a lovable rogue, caught up in some business with the Secret Service.  He gets sentenced to 30 years prison time, and wouldn't ya know, turns out to be the only bloke willing to go after the damsel in distress.  As a side note, I'd like to point out that it is really freak'n stupid to have the head of American Secret Service speaking english with some sort of slavic accent.  Doesn't feel right, just saying.

This movie looked cool in the trailer.  It really did.  Someone, critic or marketer, tagged the film as "Die Hard meets Blade Runner."  Sounds like an awesome mash-up.  Problem is, it was all Die Hard, no Blade Runner, and only a lousy knock off at that.  Lockout is an "original idea" from Luc Besson, who gave us The Fifth Element. (I liked TFE, still do... even if it is terrible.)  Yeah right.  Show me original.  From the characters, setting, and plot, I'd say he "borrowed" from loads of other, better-made flicks.

Stuff gets blown up, bad guys get wasted, hero delivers snarky one-liners, and chick is a tough, can-do-it-all-by-myself sort of gal.  It could have been fun.  It wasn't.  Don't waste your time on this bit of garbage.

One last dumb thing I'd like to point out... okay, two dumb things: 1. cell phones in the future probably won't look like the iPhones we have today.  I'm betting they'll be implanted in our heads so we don't have to carry anything with us to use them.  If you're gonna do a sci fi film, at least take the time to have some cool tech.  2. One-wheeled motorcycles are stupid.  Come on.  How the hell would that even work, you lazy movie makers?  If you're going to give me some hover tech b.s., why wasn't the motorcycle just a hover bike?  Look out world, this hero rides a really fast unicycle.  Ooo, he's bad.    

1 comment:

  1. Tell me the President's daughter was named Jane Fonda. Please... please...